The Noobnerd Policy Institute

Where we make you laugh.

Author:

Noobnerd

Other aliases that I am known by:
Señor Noobnerd
Raichu_Ohbeone
Nerdmaster
Alice

"Phone Quiz" by Noobnerd

Taken from Shahirah's fb

1. Grab your phone.
Damn I think it's in pain now.

2. What is the 3rd picture in your phone?
http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j26/raichu_ohbeone/14092009.jpg

3. What's your ringtone?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1TnzCiUSI0

4. Who's the 1st person that comes up under M?
Mum

5. Who's the last person you called?
Central Narcotics Bureau Helpline

6. Who was your last missed call from?
Central Narcotics Bureau Helpline

7. Who's the 1st person who comes up under C?
Chetan. This made me laugh.

8. Who's your speed dial number 2?
Mum

9. What does 3rd text in ur inbox say?
Hey son its mum. Why are you so late? It's already 3 pm.

10. Who was your last received call from?
Central Narcotics Bureau Helpline

11. What does your 2nd sentbox text say?
Mum your clock is slow. It's actually 4 pm.

12. How many messages are currently in your inbox?
2k. Accumalated since I first got my phone two years ago.

13. What is the wallpaper?
http://www.guzer.com/pictures/findx.jpg

14. Who's speed dial number 1?
God

15. Who is the 15th message from in your inbox?
Hey Josh its dad. Remember to follow your mum's curfew of 1pm.

16. Who's the 1st person who comes up under B?
Barber

17. How many bars of signal do you currently have?
http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j26/raichu_ohbeone/signalbar.jpg

18. What network are you on?
Super Talk Indonesia (STI)

19. Name every person you have a message from in your inbox.
Chetan, Sarkunan, Shun Toll, Jeremy, Alexander, Kenny, Mum, Dad. God didn't deign to reply.

20. What does your 6th text message in your inbox say?
Hey Josh these are your aunties. Mum just told us about your curfew. Remember to come back home.

21. Who is the first person in your contacts?
Ass

I quote the Holy Bible, Numbers 22:21 And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab.

22. Who is the last name in your contacts?
Zean Yip Beauty Salon

23. What does the last text in your inbox say?
Hey Josh this is mum. Have fun using your phone to receive my messages about your curfews! Let's work together to build a healthy mother-son relationship.

24. What is your screensaver?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v300/muffinman206/sparta.gif

25. What is your balance?
Electronic. Spring balance is so inaccurate -.-

26. Whos the last person under H?
Heaven Reception

27. What is your bluetooth name?
Li Kwan You. I'm serious.

28. How many numbers are in your phone?
Looking at the keypad, it's 10 numbers. 0 is a number right?

29. Could you live without it?
Acutally yes. It hasn't been with me while doing this whole quiz.


"Bolt Cast" by Noobnerd

♀               ◄MïĺķŖępűβłĩċ►               ♀ said (Yesterday at 11:35 PM):
*i was bolt. and i just found out. miley was the voice for the female lead.



CAST

Director: Byron Howard
Producer: Walt Disney for all I care
Bolt's owner: Miley Cyrus
Bolt: John Travolta Ong Weilin

Sorry, I couldn't help it.


"Revamped!" by Alice

NEW SKIN. FIRST REAL CHANGE SINCE MAKING THIS BLOG IN 2006!

WOOOOOOOO

I will be updating after O Level. Hope to see you there ^_^


"hiiiiiiii" by Alice

o level coming soon. two days!

sianz

Might consider revamping this blog after o level. And updating moar funny stuffs :3


"A few quizzes" by Noobnerd

Last time it was Jing Jie who asked me to update. Whose fault is it this time?

(10:49 PM) mich!: update yours lei

There.

--------------------------
QUIZ ONE
--------------------------

This quiz was done 17th April.

50 Little Secrets.Be honest no matter what, then tag at least 5 friends.

01. Who was your last text from?
A forwarded message from Michelle
02. Where was your default picture taken?
What is a default picture?
03. Your relationship status?
Happily single.
04. Have you ever lost a close friend?
I really don't know.
05. What is your current mood?
Feeling retarded.
06. How many siblings do you have?
One sister.
07. Whats your brother(s)/sister(s) names?
Isabelle.
08. Where do you wish you were right now?
Right here.
09. Have a crazy side?
lol
10. Ever had a near death experience?
No.
11. Something you do a lot?
Crack jokes.
12. Angry at anyone?
Fatass
13. What's stopping you from going for the person you like?
Can't be bothered liking anyone.
14. When was the last time you cried?
This morning. I yawned.
15. Is there anyone you would do anything for?
No.
16. What you think about when you are falling asleep?
Sleeping.
17. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
Alexander.
18. What is your favorite song?
Blue by Eiffel 65
19. What are you doing right now?
Typing this shit Reading Halopedia.
20. Who do you trust right now?
Honestly, just me.
21. Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
School. Last year's mass CIP.
22. Have you kissed someone in the past week?
No, and not in the past 16 years either.
23. Who is your friend that lives closest to you?
Tuck Weng
24. Describe your life in one word?
?
25. Who are you thinking of right now?
Me.
26. What should you be doing right now?
Nothing.
27. What are you listening to?
The fountain on my right.
28. Who was the last person who gave you a hug?
Dunno.
29. Who was the last person who yelled at you?
Zaman: "I smack your dick then you know"
30. Do you act differently around the person you like?
No.
31. What is your natural hair color?
Chetan.
32. Who was the last person to make you laugh?
Myself.
33. Who was the last person to make you sad?
Fatass
34. What do you hear?
Homework calling out for me:(
35. Is your hair curly or straight?
Straight
36. Has anyone ever called you "scrumptious" before?
No. But I know I am.
37. Do you have a best friend?
Dunno.
38. Held hands with the opposite sex in the past 3 days?
No, and not in the past 16 years.
39.Do you use smiley faces on the computer?
No :(
40. Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
Yes. Awesome.
41. Are you happy with life right now?
Almost perfect.
42. Are you currently jealous?
No.
43. What jewelery are you currently wearing?
My eyes.
44. What were you doing on friday night?
It's Friday night right now.
45. Have you ever had your heart broken?
No.
46. Have you ever broken someone's heart?
No.
47. Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now?
Fatass.
48. What was the last reason you went to the doctor for?
Checkup.
49. How late did you stay up last night and why?
10. Because I was tired.
50. Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
Never dated.

--------------------------
QUIZ TWO
--------------------------

Done on the 18th of June.

1) Are you really ready for 111 questions?
No postpone the event please I beg you

2) Was your last real relationship a mistake?
Yes. Because there was no relationship.

4) Who did you last say “I love you” to?
The mirror.

5) Do you regret it?
Yes. Mum thought I was self-gay or something

6) Have you ever been depressed?
Are you trying to question my human-ness? >:O

8) Are you a boy or girl?
Straight male, with a strong dislike for females (sorry girls D:) but then again, with a 50% girl personality/thinking

9) What is your relationship status?
Double Single

10) How do you want to die?
You weirdo.

11) What did you last eat?
Food

12) Played any sports?
Uh, air hockey?

13) Do you bite your nails ?
Too short to bite

14) When was your last physical fight?
Today. With myself. Left Hand was like "HEY STOP IT" and Right Hand was like "ow darn"

15) Do you have an attitude?
Are you trying to question my human-ness again? >:O

16) Do you like someone?
Yes. Guy in the mirror.

17) What is your real name?
Adolf Hitler.

19) Are you gonna get high later?
Yeah, my bedroom's one floor up.

20) Do you hate anyone at the moment?
Rumaila

21) Do you miss someone?
Chetan

22) Twirl or cut your spaghetti?
Where's the chainsaw?

23) Do you tan a lot?
No, surname's Chan, not Tan

24) Have any pets?
Petting is sick

25) How exactly are you feeling?
Using my five senses.

26) Ever eaten food in a car while someone or yourself is driving?
And I vomited in it. One strand of noodle for each nostril.

27) Ever made out in the bathroom?
Yeah.

28) Would you take any of your exes back?
I've got extras.

29) Are you scared of spiders?
Depends on the size.

30) Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
What is this, make retirement and end of O Levels further away again?

31) Do you regret anything from your past?
No.

32) What are your plans for this weekend?
Plans done by parents.

33) Do you want to have kids?
No

34) Did you ever kiss someone whose name starts with an M?
Yes. Me.

35) Do you type fast?
"fast". I just typed fast! WOOHOO

36) Do you have piercings?
Uh, I pierced a blister...

37) Want any more?
Definitely not.

38) Can you spell well?
W-e-l-l. YAY I SPELLED IT

39) Do you miss anyone from your past?
Nah in the past I was still Joshua Chan, not Miss Anyone.

40) What are you craving right now?
Money.

41) Ever been to a bonfire party?
No

43) Have you ever been on a horse?
No I'm not that sick

44) Kissed someone in a pick up truck?
Do flying kisses count?

45) Have you ever broken someone’s heart?
No, not a certified surgeon yet

46) Have you ever been cheated on?
Yes, people copy my tests.

47) Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?
Had no gf

49) Would you live with someone without marrying them?
What is this question? I'm living with my family?

50) What should you be doing ?
Sleeping.

51) What’s irritating you right now?
Rumaila Oilfield

52) Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurt?
No, but I've been liked by someone so much that it hurt. Sarkunan and Shun Toll

53) Does somebody love you?
Maybe Sarkunan. Last time Shun Toll.

54) What is your favorite colour ?
Black White Silver <3

55) Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
Yes. It's called the changing vroom for a reaosn.

57) Do you have trust issues?
I BET THERES A HIDDEN AGENDA IN THIS QUESTION

60) Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
I'm not incestuous

62) Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you?
Axes can think?

63) Who was the last person you cried in front of?
Not sure. Yawning

64) Do you give out second chances too easily?
Gave out more than 100 to Rumaila

65) Is it easier to forgive or forget?
Forgive. Don't insult my memory yo

66) Is this year the best year of your life?
I'm not psychic

67) What was your childhood nickname?
Toilet bowl. Serious.

68) Have you ever walked outside completely naked?
Where's question 69?

70) Do you believe everything happens for a reason?
No. Like why I'm doing this quiz.

71) What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
Get my feet off the floor

73) What is bothering you?
Jeremy

74) Have you ever been out of your province?
Yes

75) Do you play the Wii?
Nah, never heard of that song.

76) Are you listening to music right now?
Computer Sounds by My Computer

77) Do you like Chinese food?
I'm straight.

78) Do you know your father's b-day?
7 November 1957

79) Are you afraid of the dark?
Quack

80) Is cheating ever okay?
Now and forever

81) Are you mean?
Very

82) Can you keep white shoes clean?
Dude, stop insulting me

84) Do you believe in true love?
Doesn't exist for teens

88) Do you like the outside?
No, personality is more important

89) Are you currently bored?
By this quiz yes

90) Do you wanna get married?
No

91) Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?
Boy/girl needs a big slap

92) Are you hungry?
No, I'm Joshua Chan

93) Have you ever made out for more than a half hour straight?
Yeah, who hasn't? All schoolkids are out for at least, 7 hours?

94) What makes you happy?
Myself. I'm awesome

95) Would you change your name?
Alice is a nice name

96) Ever been to Alaska?
Where's question 97?

98) Do you watch the news?
Ok, I can't think of a witty answer for this.

99) What’ s your zodiac sign?
Cock.

100) Do you like Subway?
MRT is better.

101) Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?
Mirror? Easy.

103) Do you talk like your friends?
Jing Jie: "Damn bodoh sia you!"
Bryan: "Yo chan"
Jeremy: "You so stupid"

After thinking about the way WeiJie Simin Michelle Weilin talk, I doubt I talk like my friends.

105) Have you ever seen someone you knew & purposely avoided them?
Sarkunan

106) Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?
Gonna answer this seriously. Yes.

107) who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?
Choo Yan Li. WHO IS NOT THE ANSWER TO THE PREVIOUS QUESTION

108) Does it matter if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes?
no bf/gf

109) Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?
Answer to 106. Not THAT deep though. But thought-provoking

110) Favorite lyrics right now?
Mary Had a Little Lamb

111) Can you count to one milllion?
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42

42! The answer to life, the universe, and everything

no u

-------------------
QUIZ THREE
-------------------

Same day as the previous one.

1. First thing you wash in the shower?
Myself

2. What colour is your favourite hoodie?
Little Red Riding

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Myself? Sure.

4. Do you plan outfits?
Can't think of a witty answer

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
With my 5 senses

6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red?
Eyes of the girl in my dp

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having.
A few nights ago I dreamt that a Star Wars plane crashed into the back of some plane I was in, and for some reason the plane I was in didn't just blow up, and the plane behind just kept slamming into the cockpit in and out. I was just standing there witnessing the thing, unharmed. Was it possible to control it? And I somehow lost my DS during the crash, and I ended up being an American guy with pale skin and dark hair called Stuart on the run from some grandmas.

8. Did you meet anybody new today?
I meet strangers daily. I'm no hermit

9. What are you craving right now?
Money

10. Do you floss daily?
Candy floss? No

11.What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Uh, cabbage. What else?

12. Are you emotional?
Positively so

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
Reached 248 and died

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick?
I used a knife... Isn't that right?

15. Do you like your hair?
Which hair?

16. Do you like yourself?
I'm not self-gay

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
No he's not the President anymore.

18. What are you listening to right now?
The sound of the computer running

19. Are your parents strict?
My father is Chan and my mother is Chin. Not Strict.

20. Would you go sky diving?
Did you misspell sky? It's supposed to be ski.

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Never tried it

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Indeed. Myself.

23. Do you rent movies often?
No witty answer D:

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
Edward Cullen

25. How many countries have you visited?
Too many

26. Have you made a prank phone call?
More than once. Posing as a housing agent, bf/gf's father, etc.

27. Ever been on a train?
Been on one, and broke it. Toy train, couldn't take the weight.

28. Brown or white eggs?
I have no ovaries

29.Do you have a cell/mobile phone?
No witty answer D:

30. Do you use chopsticks?
No witty answer D:

31. Do you own a real gun?
A toy gun is not unreal.

32. Can you use chopsticks?
Anyone can use chopsticks. Picking up food isn't its only use

33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
My bed

34. Are you too forgiving?
I'm Joshua Chan. Wrong number

35. Ever been in love?
No witty answer D:

36. What is/are your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
No best friend D:

37. Ever had cream puffs?
What is that?

38. Last time you cried?
Right now. Yawning

39. What was the last question you asked?
Question 37 answer

40. Favourite time/times of the year?
Chinese New Year, school holidays

41. Do you have any tattoos?
No, I don't understand while some people go all out to make their skin fair, they add big black patterns on their body -.-

42. Are you sarcastic?
DEFINITELY NOT

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
Yes. Threw a butter out of the window, saw it fly. That's the effect of throwing butter out of the window!

44. Ever walked into a wall?
On purpose

45. Favourite color?
Chetan (Black), Tuck Weng (White), Silver (Ag)

46. Have you ever slapped someone?
Myself. Stupid anti-vulgarity campaign with Tuck Weng

47. Is your hair curly?
I'm so not Zhan Hao

48. What was the last CD you bought?
I download and burn. ;p

49. Do looks matter?
For true love: No
For visual pleasure: Yes

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
I'm usually the cheater, so yeah

51. Is your phone bill sky high?
$14

52. Do you like your life right now?
No witty answer D:

53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
No, but you've given me a good way to waste electricity

54. Can you handle the truth?
No witty answer D:

55. Do you have good vision?
World domination is a good vision, no?

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
Yes

57. How often do you talk on the phone?
Almost daily

58. The last person you held hands with?
Myself.

59. What are you wearing?
Nothing

60.What is your favourite animal?
Humans

61. Where was your default picture taken at?
Earth

62. Can you hula hoop?
One round

63. Do you have a job?
Student

64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
Sister's birthday present

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Yes

--------------------
QUIZ FOUR
--------------------

SEVEN THINGS YOU WILL FIND IN YOUR ROOM:
1. Bookshelf
2. A TV that's never used
3. An unused chess board
4. Wardrobe
5. Old computer games and movies
6. Cleaniness
7. Bed

SEVEN RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONS:
1. Do You Like Anyone? Yes
2. Does Someone Like You? No
3. Last Kiss? Never
4. Been Led On? What?
5. Been Cheated On? No
6. Want A Relationship? Doubt it
7. Wanna Get Married? Not sure

SEVEN THINGS YOU CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT:
1. Books
2. Computer
3. Myself
4. Oxygen
5. Water
6. Family
7. Friends

SEVEN THINGS ON YOUR MIND:
1. This
2. Brain juice
3. Humour (or lack of it at the moment)
4. Lameness
5. I'm tired
6. Screwed bio SPA
7. It's hot

SEVEN OTHER THINGS - DO YOU
1. Believe In God? Yes
2. Had A Dream Come True? No
3. Read The Newspaper? Yes
4. Get Enough Sleep Everyday? Yes
6. Take A Bath Daily? lol
7. Wish On Stars? What?

SEVEN HAVE YOU EVER
1. Fallen In Love? Not sure. :S
2. Kissed Someone Of The Same Sex? No
3. Hooked Up With Someone Who Had A BF/GF? No.
4. Been To A Bonfire? No
5. Ran Away From Home? Yes, to the lift lobby. Serious,
6. Played Strip Poker? No
7. Pulled An All Nighter? No

SEVEN THINGS IN THE LAST 24 HOURS HAVE YOU!
1. Cried? No
2. Had Fun? Yes
3. Been Kissed? No
4. Felt Stupid? Yes
5. Talked To An Ex? No ex.
6. Missed Someone? Yes
7. Listened To Music? Yes

RED : ANGER
1. Are You Currently Mad At Someone? Yes
2. Which Of Your family Members Has The Worst temper? Mother
3. Have You Ever Thrown Something At Anyone? Yes
4. Does Your Face Turn Red When You’re Angry? No
5. When You’re Mad Do You Prefer To Stare angrily or yell? Stare and yell OR keep quiet.

ORANGE : EXCITEMENT
1. Has Anyone Ever Thrown A Surprise Party For You? No
2. Are You Easily Excited? No
3. What Event Is Coming Up That You Are Looking Forward To? Retirement
4. If You Won A Million Dollars, What Will Be Your First Thought? Invest!
5. What Would Make You The Happiest Right Now? Retiring rich

YELLOW : SELF DISCOVER
1. Full Name: Joshua Chan
2. Birthday: The Third of February, 1993 AD
3. What’s Your Main Goal In Life? To retire rich
4. Do You Want To Have Children? If they help me retire rich
5. How Do You Want To Die? With a funny quote.

BLUE : SADNESS
1. When Is The Last Time You Cried? No idea.
2. What Is The Saddest Thing That Is Happening Right Now? North Korea.
3. Do You Usually Cry/Get Depressed When Something Doesn’t Happen Your Way? Everything goes my way.
4. Has Anyone Made You Cry In The Last 24 Hours? No
5. When You Are Sad, What Do You Do? Daydream

PINK : LOVE
1. Do You Have A Crush On One Of Your Friends? Not sure
2. Do You Believe In Love At First Sight? No
3. When You See Your Crush, Do You Act Differently Around Him/Her? No
4. Do You Have A Girlfriend/Boyfriend? No
5. Do You Believe Everyone Has A Soulmate? No

---------------
QUIZ FIVE
---------------

Seems pretty simple, copy and paste this and write down your answers.
Tag your friends too... including me?

A
- Available: wtf
- Age: Under 9000 (16)
- Annoyance: Jeremy
- Animal: Humans

B
- Beer: When there's no water
- Birthday: 3rd February 1993
- Blind or Deaf: Colour blind, selective hearing
- Best weather: I'm always indoors
- Been on stage: Getting an award for class monitor.
- Believe in Magic: No.
- Believe in Santa: wtf no

C
- Candy: Mountain (Charlie the Unicorn, check him out on youtube)
- Chocolate/Vanilla: Vanilla
- Chinese/Mexican Food: Chinese
- Cake or pie: Cake

D
- Dancing in the rain: I can't dance.
- Day or Night: Night

E
- Eyes: Not like Jeremy's
- Everyone's got: Eyes (ok maybe not)
- Ever failed a class?: Chinese, Social Studies.

F
- First thoughts waking up: What time is it?
- Food: Rice

G
- Greatest Fear: Mrs Carol Chan
- Goals: Own goal.
- Gum: Very weak gums.
- Get along with your parents?: It depends, really.

H
- Hair Color: Black
- Height: 164 cm. Jing Jie, Tuck Weng, Shalihin, Joshua Chee and Yew Chen are all taller now. I bet Moses Oh is too.
- Happy: Too happy.
- Holiday: Home. London.
- How do you want to die: With a funny quote.

I
- Ice Cream: McDonald's.
- Instrument: Recorder

J
- Jewellery: None
- Job: Student, wannabe class joker.

K
- Kids: They love me.
- Kickboxing or karate: Fleeing
- Keep a journal: I wonder where my English class journal is. >_>

L
- Love: Is the world's biggest lie.
- Laughed so hard you cried: Too many times.

M
- Milk flavour: Plain.
- Movies: Slumdog Millionaire. Spirited Away. Lord of the Rings. And many more.
- Motion sickness?: No
- MK or DC?: Mario Kart. Ok fine I play neither Mortal Kombat or DC Universe.

N
- Number: 9000! 7 or 8.

O
- One wish: Retire rich and happy.

P
- Perfect Dark or Perfect Dark Zero?: Never played either.

Q
- Quail: Haven't eaten in an age.
- Quest: Stupid.

R
- Reason to cry: Yawning, laughing, for the sake of it, sadness (very rare).
- Reality TV: Sucks
- Radio Station: Sucks
- Roll your tongue in a circle: lol what

S
- Song: Blue by Eiffel 65
- Shoe size: 8? 9? Dunno.
- Salad Dressing: Mayonnaise (esp tartar sauce), caesar dressing, thousand island
- Sushi: Ikura
- Skinny dipped: I'm not American
- In the shower?: Laptop's drenched
- Strawberries/Blueberries: Cranberries

T
- Tattoos?: Lol I remember those temporary ones for kids
- Thunderstorms: Can make people scream. It's nice to hear them screaming.

U
- Unpredictable: Yes.

V
- Vital: ?

W
- Weakness: Anime girls ARE NO LONGER MY WEAKNESS! Currently, it's slacking.
- Which one of your friends acts the most like you: NOT JEREMY
- Who makes you laugh the most: Myself
- Worst feeling: Sadness
- Wanted to be a model: Never
- Worst Weather?: Hot and humid.

X
- X-Rays: Nope

Y
- Year it is now: 2009
- Yellow: is a greeting

Z
- Zoo animal: Humans.

There we have it.


"Serious Quiz" by Noobnerd

Alright another quiz. Taken from Huiying's Facebook. I did it seriously this time.

90. First off, what is your name?
Chetan

89. What did you do last night?
4/1 BBQ. Sat in a Diamond Car. Wheeee

88. Do you have a best friend that you can talk to 24/7?
Yeah. Moi.

87. Do you have any siblings?
A sister.

86. How many years apart is your mom and dad?
5 years, 0 light years. Together forever. <3

85. Do you like someone?
Duh. Moi.

84. What does the 7th message in your text inbox say?
"Your curfew is now 1pm. Yes son, you have to leave school early." ~Mum

83. Who sits beside you in maths?
Mrs Lim bending over.

82. Where is your dad right now?
Earth

81. Do you burn incense?
No I smell it though

80. Do you have a problem?
With you

79. Who is the 5th person you got a missed call from?
Smoking hotline

78. Closest purple object?
I'm colour blind

79. Closest silver object?
A picture of a silver metal. Serious.

76. Closest yellow object?
A stain on my shirt.

75. Do you sing in the shower?
Not sing, but make weird noises.

74. What is bugging you right now?
Jeremy

73. How does your hair look right now?
Like Jeremy's

72. Do you know all the words to the Star Spangled Banner?
America sucks

71. When is the last time you said the pledge of allegiance?
America sucks

70. If you could kill someone, who would it be?
Jeremy

69. Do you have any fears?
Butterflies. Fat caterpillars with wings are terrifying.

68. What do you hear right now?
The computer

67. Do you like kangaroos?
I have a mainstream sexual orientation.

66. Can you roll your tongue?
No idea why it's called rolling, should be called u-shaping -.-

65. What are you wearing?
Nothing.

64. Who was the last person to message you?
Simin. I think.

63. Do you like emo kids?
No. Sorry Simin

62. Screamo or Country?
Country

61. Rock or Rap?
Rock

60. Polka or Disco?
1970s Disco

59. Flying or Driving?
Walking.

58. Who last called you?
Woodbridge reception. Making an appointment.

57. Was your Valentine's day nice?
Totally forgot that it existed.

56. What are you doing now?
Breathing.

55. Who was the last person you said I love you to?
Woah, too long ago to remember.

54. Would you die for someone?
Definitely not.

53. Would you date anyone from your work?
My work is schoolwork. The people who come out with this work are teachers. I would not date a teacher.

52. Do long distance relationships work?
No.

51. Do you have any pet peeves?
No.

50. Do you have to pee now?
Yes, but I'm doing this quiz, so my pants are wet.

49. When did you last talk to one of your siblings?
One hour ago. "Stop saying boys wear panties!"

48. What are you doing tomorrow?
Attending sister's birthday party.

47. Do you worry about getting older?
Looking forward to retirement.

46. Have you ever had an ingrown toenail?
No.

45. Do you pick your scabs?
Yes.

44. Ever drink your blood?
Yes. Bit my lip. Woohoo self-vampire.

43. Do your band aids have cartoons on them?
Yes.

42. Do you bite your nails?
No.

41. Do you wax your eyebrows?
I pluck them.

39. Do you check CelebPox.com for celebrity gossip?
lolwtf

38. Do you have a jar where you keep your loose change?
No. All goes into the gay coin pouch.

37. Do you own a pogo stick?
I didn't own one, but I OWNED one. (owned it = screwed it)

36. Ever gone a whole day without eating?
More than one.

35. Do you own ripped jeans?
My jeans has four holes. Two for the legs, one for the waist and one for the zip, so yeah.

34. What makes you crazy?
Jeremy

33. What would you do if you found out that you were adopted?
Get really hurt, because I asked that question many times and I got the "no"

32. Are you jealous a lot of the time?
Why should I be?

31. Do you use a calendar or day planner to schedule everything on?
I tried to, but I kept changing my schedule that I gave up.

29. Do you have ADD?
YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW

28. Do you have low self esteem?
No. Yes. Depends.

29. Who can make you laugh during the hardest time?
Myself. Really.

26. What was the last thing you watched on TV?
News.

25. When was the last time you had professional pictures taken?
Graduation photo.

24. Have you done a whitening treatment on your teeth?
Nope.

23. What is your favorite movie?
Pay it forward. Excellent drama.

22. Who do you love?
Me.

21. What's playing on your MP3 player now?
Don't have one.

20. What holiday is your birthday closest to?
CNY.

19. What's your favorite drink?
Water, which makes you pee, Soya Bean Milk, which gives you oestrogen and Ice Green Tea, which kills sperms

18. Do you own any big sunglasses?
Hell no

17. Bed sheet color?
Grey.

16. Ever encountered a shark?
Yeah. A toy shark. So scary.

15. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally?
Yeah mum asked me to check on my sister's piano practice. She played for me personally.

14. Have you ever bungee jumped?
No.

13. Where was the last place you went besides your house?
East Coast Park.

12. What's the first thing you notice about the same sex?
I'm not gay.

11. Is it hard to express your feelings to someone?
Do I have much feelings anyway?

10. Why are people such self-centered beings?
Because Jeremy exists

9. Are you sad?
Definitely not.

8. Are you happy?
Very happy.

7. Favorite day of the year?
Chinese New Year.

6. Have you ever licked someone's cheek?
My own.

5. Watched all Spiderman movies?
I think so. I can't be bothered to remember.

4. What are you looking forward to?
Retirement, last day of O Level.

3. Favorite Lucky Charms Marshmallow?
What?

2. Have you ever ridden in a limo?
No.

1. Do you want to get married?
No.


"Funny Pictures" by Noobnerd

As usual, people are forcing me to update this stupid blog. This time it's Jing Jie. He's bored.

(Also that seems to be everyone's reason)

DISCLAIMER: I got these pictures from countless sources. I can't give any credit, because I've been collecting them over a long period of several years. Some may seem offensive to certain groups of people, so I'll just link them. Please remember that all these are just jokes that weren't created by me. I'm just sharing them.



Classic 300 joke.



I saw this just a few days after I learnt about UN's involvement in the Rwandan Genocide. I have never had a better laugh in my entire life.



Most likely a China thing.



Not a funny picture, but perfect timing.



My second best laugh.



This image isn't funny unless you know about the reporter throwing his shoe at Bush. It was edited from a shoe to many different things such as watermelons, but this is the best edit.



Really fake, but it gave me a chuckle.



I wonder how photographers think of these angles.



Ahahaha.

This picture may be offensives to Muslims. Click at your own risk. God bless you all. http://i76.photobucket.com/albums/j26/raichu_ohbeone/1224867123022rg5.jpg



Loser.



Sick.



I got shit of a similar kind with Vista before. One of them was where I was asked to go to some website to search for solutions on how to solve a dead connection. When my connection was dead.



So much for welfare.



lol



Another one.



Math jokes.



More math jokes.



That's my last picture for today. I'm sure I've got more in my computer. If you're searching for more, take a look at sites such as Failblog. It's good.


"Two Quizzes" by Noobnerd

I was bored. So I basically went to everyone's blog and opened all the links in the tabs. This were the first two quizzes I got, and so I did them. They aren't as witty as the previous ones; I answered them more truthfully. But wherever I found a potential joke, I made one. Enjoy.

10 ' Are you's .
1. Are you single : No. Currently going out with Perlicia.
2. Are you happy : Stupid question.
3. Are you bored : Absolutely not. I love doing this.
4. Are you fair : I'm fair and tan at the same time. I'm awesome.
5. Are you italian : No but anyway: *NEWSFLASH*

I once heard this joke:

Two Englishmen and a lady on an island. The Englishmen took gentlemanly turns with her.
Two Italianmen and a lady on an island. They fought and one killed the other for the lady.
Two Americanmen and a lady on an island. They both took the lady at the same time.
Two Frenchmen and a lady on an island. They killed the lady to have each other.

6. Are you intelligent : lol
7. Are you honest : Yes.
8. Are you nice : Yes.
9. Are you irish : Ye- no.
10. Are you asian : See my eyes.

10 Facts .
1. Full name : Joshua Chan
2. Nick : Chan; Noobnerd.
3. Birthplace : Jeremy's favourite place
4. Hair colour : Chetan
5. Natural hairstyle : Bowl
6. Eye colour : Chetan Maxima
7. Birthday : 3 February
8. Mood : Very good.
9. Favourite colour : Chetan Ultima.
10. One place you'd like to visit : Heaven.
10 Things about my love life .
1. Have you ever been in love : I'm dating right now.
2. Do you believe in love at first sight : This is total rubbish. I can write an essay on this.
3. Do you currently have a crush : Several.
4. Have you ever been hurt emotionally : Who hasn't?
5. Have you ever broken someone's heart : I tried. >_>
6. Have you ever had your heart broken : I tried too. >_>
7. Have you ever liked someone but never told them : Heh. Stupid question.
8. Are you afraid of commitment : Depends on who's committed to what. If it's Jeremy's committment to Singapore, run for your life.
9. Who was the last person you hugged : Pillow.
10. Who was the last person you said i love you to : Never did.

10 This or that .
1. Love or lust : Lust.
2. Hard liquor or beer : Hard liquor.
3. Cat or dogs : Catdog.
4. A few best friends or any friends : Fiends.
5. Creamy or crunchy : Dunno.
6. Pencil or pen : Pen.
7. Wild night out or romantic night in : Wild night in. Awesome.
8. Money or happiness : Both.
9. Night or day : Day.
10. IM or phone : IM hands down. I send on an average 40 SMS per month.
10 'Have You Ever's
1. Been caught sneaking out : Caught sneaking in, rather. :/
2. Seen a polar bear : Zoo
3. Done something you regret : Yes e.g. doing this quiz.
4. Bungee jumped : lol no
5. Eaten food that fell on the floor : On a daily basis.
6. Finished entire jaw breaker : I'm not a damned American.
7. Been caught naked : Not really. But in sec 2 I was filmed during Infocomm, and they could see my underwear.
8. Wanted an ex gf/bf back : Never even had a gf. Or a bf.
9. Cried because you lost a pet : You can't cry if you ate it.
10. Wanted to disappear :

(For those of you who didn't get the joke, the answer to the last question disappeared)

10 Preferences in a partner.
1. Smile or eyes : Eyes. I really love cute eyes.
2. Light or dark hair : Asian.
3. Hugs or Kisses : *censored*
4. Shorter or taller : Shorter.
5. Intelligent or attraction : Damned bimbos who do these stupid quizzes are so not on my list.
6. Topman or Zara : Topman. No idea what this is, but he sounds cool. Topman.
7. Funny or serious : Seriously funny.
8. Older or Younger : Younger.
9. Outgoing or Quiet : Mixture.
10. Sweet or Bad : Sweet.

10 'Have you's
1. Ever performed in front of a large crowd : I think so.
2. Ever talked on the phone for longer than 1 hour : Yes.
3. Ever walked on hands : All kids walk on hands AND legs. Even better!
4. Ever been to a rock concert : Rock sucks.
5. Ever been in a cheerleading team : Yes. I wore skimpy stuffs.
6. Ever been in a dance team : Isn't cheerleading a dance?
7. Ever been in a sports team : No way.
8. Ever been in a drama play/production : School lit stuff lol
9. Ever owned a BMW/Mercedes Benz/Escalade/Hummer/Bentley? : A few. Toy cars.
10. Ever been in a rap video : Stupid question.

10 'Last's
1. Last phone call you made : Police.
2. Last person you hugged : Pillow.
3. Last person you hung out with : i forqot .
4. Last time you worked : School.
5. Last person you talked to : Mother.
6. Last person you IM'd : Alien.
7. Last person you texted : Mum.
8. Last person you went movie with : I honestly can't remember the last time I went to a movie anyway.
9. Last person / thing you missed : Money.
10. Last websited visited : Google

10 people to do this .
1. Tag yourselves.

---------------------

11 layers of me .

Layer 1 ; On the outside .
Name : Joshua Chan.
Birthdate : 3rd February 1993.
Current location : Earth
Eye colour : Chetan.
Hair colour : Chetan
Riqht or left : Right .
Zodiac siqn : Cock.

Layer 2 ; On the inside .
Your heritaqe : Sinqaporean . Overseas Chinese.
Your fears : Dickroaches.
Your weakness : Cute virtual people.
Your perfect pizza : What is this?
Your ambitions : None.

Layer 3 ; Yesterday , today and tomorrow .
Your first thoughts when you wake up : What's the time?
Your best physical feature : *censored*
Your bedtime : 9pm.
Your most missed memories : Times of laughter.

Layer 4 ; Your pick .
Pepsi or coke : Carbon.
McDonald's or Burger King : Apple's OS
Single or group dates : No dates.
Adidas or Nike : Osh Kosh
Lipton tea or Nestea : Lipton.
Chocolate or Vanilla : Both.
Cappuccino or coffee : Tea.

Layer 5 ; Do you .
Smoke : I'm a good boy.
Take a shower : lolwtf
Have a crush : Stupid question. No.
Think you've been in love : No.
Want to get married : No.
Believe in yourself : Yes.
Think you're a health-freak : Relatives are.

Layer 6 ; In the past month .

Take note that only 4 days of the month have passed.

Drank alchohol : No.
Gone to the mall : No.
Been on stage : No.
Eaten sushi : No.
Been dumped : Didn't even fall in love.
Gone skating : lol no
Dyed your hair : Never.

Layer 7 ; Have you ever .
Played a stripping game : Forget about the game. I stripped in real life.
Gotten beaten up : No.
Changed who you are to fit in : No way.

Layer 8 ; Getting old .
Age you're hoping to get married : 35.

Layer 9 ; In a girl / In a guy .
Best eye colour : Black
Best hair colour : Black.
Short or lonq hair : Long

Layer 10 ; What were you doing .
1 minute ago : Typing this shit
1 hour ago : Typing this shit too.
1 day ago : Typing other shit.
1 year ago : Typing even more shit.

Layer 11 ; Finish the sentences .
I love : you. You love me. Let's team up and rape Barney.
I feel : with my hands.
I hate : you. You hate me. Let's team up and rape Barney.
i hide : in the toilet
I miss : when I throw things at Miss Morni. The target's so small.
I need : you. You need me. Let's...
I'm afraid of : you. You're afraid of me. Let's...


"New Blogskin" by Noobnerd

It's been three years.

The sheep have finally withdrawn from Venice.

         .:JEREMY:. says (9:40 PM):
*i mean new pic very ugly
         .:JEREMY:. says (9:40 PM):
*change it
         .:JEREMY:. says (9:41 PM):
*:( But its just so ewww
         .:JEREMY:. says (9:41 PM):
*dunno maybe its just so black-and -white-ish
         .:JEREMY:. says (9:42 PM):
*I'm not color blind ya now it feels very emo
         .:JEREMY:. says (9:42 PM):
*Emo always balck and white one OH NO!

Whoever agrees ought to die.


"Xbox 360" by Noobnerd

I bought an Xbox 360 on the 31st of January, after bio remedial! And then I went shopping for more games with Jeremy Jee today. 6 days after I bought it. So this is what I have now:


Sin's Creed


Halo


IU


Lost Planet. Wrong box, should be the platinum hits colonies edition.


SC4


Vesperia


Oblivion

I'm looking at several other games, especially the top stuff such as Gears, Fallout, GTA, etc. However, Fallout and GTA are M18 :/ I've also pre-ordered Star Ocean. I still want to buy a PS3 though. MGS, FF and Little Big Planet look awesome. :o

Also I bought Red Alert 3 and Sins of a Solar Empire for the PC. So much money gone. :/


SO4